Welcome back from Thanksgiving, all you various and sundry followers! If you’re like me, you’re probably still hating yourself for the metric dickton of calories you took in over the past few days.
For me, shit got grim. At one point I actually just ground pink salt into my hand and licked it. I was basically this for 72 hours.
But let’s talk about food. Whether it’s being gorged or nibbled, it’s always on our minds. We chatter with our friends about new recipes. We experiment with different spices. We wander through grocery stores looking for bargains. We try to resemble adults in our cooking and dietary habits, and we partially succeed.
I’m no saint or expert, but I do love to eat and cook. So I’m beginning The Dude’s Food Glossary as a way of collecting all the hints, tips, tricks, recipes, and general knowledge I’ve obtained as an eating human over the past 20-some-odd years. Starting…with A!
A IS FOR APPLES!
Apples are tricky bastards. Unlike most fruit, you have to know your preferred brand. Not an issue you run into with most other fruits, though of course this is a problem in and of itself. I’m partial to the more tart end of the apple spectrum (your Granny Smiths, your slightly-underripe Macintoshes) but I know you Honeycrisp motherfuckers are out there grumbling and I say, good for you. Love what you love.
Dude Food Tip: Always eat the entire apple. Stem, core, seeds, hell, even the sticker if you’re the daring type. I know some of you may be squicked out by the idea of eating the core. But if you can get over yourself and start doing it, you don’t just add roughage to your diet and reduce unnecessary food waste. You also just turned that apple into a giant berry. You’re MAGICAL.
And if you’re worried about being killed, don’t fret; not only is this extremely improbable, but as long as you don’t intentionally chew the seeds, you’re golden (delicious).
So now enjoy my favorite apple recipe, one which without fail reminds me childhood winters, and then reminds me that I’m not a child and I pay for my own heat and cooking gas now and OH GOD MORTALITY OH GOD
APPLE CRISP (courtesy of the NYT, and slightly tweaked)
- 6 cups peeled, cored, sliced apples
- 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/8 tsp of ground cloves
- 1/2 cup sugar, plus 2 tablespoons
- 2-3 tsp of lemon juice
- 5 tablespoons butter, plus more for greasing the pan
- 3/4 cup oats (totally optional)
- 1/2 cup walnuts or pecans (try to buy this shit in bulk somewhere other than where you live if you’re in NYC, because a lot of recipes call for ‘em, and they’re horrifically expensive in this city)